COMING 2025
Finding Our Way Home
Broken Family - Finding Our Way Home
My book begins with my mother sitting on the edge of the bed, the one with the purple bedspread, reading our favorite story, Are You My Mother? She finished the book, set it down, walked out of the house, and disappeared for nine years. We were one, two and three years old. We learned nine years later that she had birthed more children, including a daughter who she also named Tamara; my name.
I was separated from my siblings and left in the terrifying care of a sexually abusive uncle. This nightmare was punctuated by the erratic appearances of my father as he continually reinvented himself, taking my siblings and me on a chaotic ride through a series of emotionally-unavailable "mothers", illegal careers, and naked-hippie gatherings, only to return me to my uncle. Wanting to raise our consciousness, our father was smoking pot with us by the time we were 6, 7 and 8 years old.
Life with Dad presented other obstacles as well, from unsafe environments, to being kept out of the public schools that he called "shame institutes", to our diets of mugwort tea and brown rice to rid our bodies of worms, and making macrame plant hangers to support his business. It all added to my deep distrust of him and adults in general.
Thankfully, there was a Winchell's donut house right up the alley, where we befriended the workers and were allowed to indulge in as many donuts as we wanted. I robbed that donut shop before I left home that spring.
Navigating a maze of confusion, distrust and fear, I felt the weight of my secret plans to escape my fathers house, knowing I would be leaving my siblings, my only anchors, behind. But, I felt like I had no choice and at 13 I left home to spend the next several years on the violent streets of Denver where survival often meant making harrowing choices. I found myself ensnared in survival-based sexual relationships with men more than twice my age, desperate to find security in a world that felt relentlessly hostile.
Characters like Uncle Ernie, Little Earl, Cedric, Scat, Misty and Stomper emerged as both mentors and predators, exploiting my vulnerability. They pulled me into a web of dangerous con games, escort services and robberies, each encounter leaving scars that would shape my identity and power up my resilience.
Yet, even in the darkest moments, I felt a powerful spiritual presence watching over me. This presence revealed itself during pivotal times, offering strength that felt almost otherworldly, transforming my despair into hope.
It was through this spiritual lens that I made my way through the treacherous landscape of my life, ultimately discovering the strength within me to rise above my circumstances.
The journey I recount is not just a tale of survival; it is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to endure and find meaning in suffering. By sharing my story, I aim to shed light on the often-invisible struggles faced by youth, emphasizing the importance of compassion, and the profound impact unseen forces can have in our lives.
This memoir chronicles my journey from the tender age of two to the pivotal age of nineteen when a spiritual experience within a Native American ceremony forever altered the course of my life. It not only reveals the source of my resilience in the face of adversity, but also reflects my struggle to claim my identity amid chaos. This stands as a celebration of survival, a call to action, and a testament to the transformative power of hope, resilience and connection to spirit that guided me through.
The sequel to Broken Family is well underway. My spiritual connection not only guided me through my own challenges but also ignited a passion within me, to uplift and empower young people worldwide. In the future, I’m excited to share this next part of my journey and how I was able to positively support hundreds of thousands of youth in 70 countries across the planet.
It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world
-Mary Oliver
Prologue
1975
I was already awake when the alarm clock under my pillow went off at 5:00 a.m. I quickly dressed, carefully walked up the stairs from the basement, and slipped out the back door. I didn’t want to wake my dad and siblings who were sleeping inside. Crickets were chirping as I left the house and the early morning sky was still filled with stars. I noticed that the birds hadn’t started singing yet.
I took a deep breath and paused to look around; I think I was waiting for some sort of blessing or good luck omen. My heart hurt at the thought of leaving Tonya and Mark behind, because Dad had just settled us all into a house together.
But I knew I had to go. Standing in the dark, the familiar knot of distrust tightened in my stomach as I thought about my moms disappearance and the multitude of times my father abandoned me. His departures etched deep scars in my heart, leaving me in the grip of my abusive uncle and separated from my siblings.
I didn’t realize then that my decision to escape from home would set in motion a chain of events that would pull me further into a violent, unforgiving world. I understood however, that I had to summon enough courage to embark on this uncertain path.
Barefoot, I was wearing my favorite blue sweat jacket and carried my Converse sneakers in one hand and my heavy backpack in another. Crouching and peering ahead, I stepped toward the alley where my boyfriend waited. I could see Willie’s silhouette standing outside his ‘72 dusty blue Toyota Corolla with the hatchback open. The moon cast a long shadow behind him down the dark alley.
Willie was 19, tall, with a big afro, and his skin was silky smooth. I remembered the day we had met in Winchell’s, several months earlier. That was just before I robbed the place.
I had taken the garage key off my dad’s keychain earlier that evening and left it in the lock. I turned the handle of the old metal door to the yellow brick garage that faced the alley, and slowly lifted it. My heart pounded as we loaded the back of Willie’s car with my boxes, and I imagined my dad stopping me as I tried to escape. We quickly finished loading, and Willie got into the car, silently closing his door.
Leaning over, he pushed open the passenger door and urgently whispered, “Get in, Baby. We’re goin’ home.”
I was just 13, but as I slid into the car beside him, I felt the weight of the choices ahead—ready or not, I was stepping into a world that promised the bittersweet taste of adulthood.
BROKEN FAMILY
QUERY
It is with gratitude and excitement that I share my memoir, Broken Family; Finding our way home. My Memoir explores themes of resilience and struggle, similar to the works of Educated, by Tara Westover, and The Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls
My tumultuous childhood was shaped by abandonment, abuse and chaos. My siblings and I were traumatized by my father’s immersion in the ‘60’s counterculture following the disappearance of our mother.
We were frequently separated amongst relatives, or were sideliners to my dads escapades such as the high-stakes world of Las Vegas, cross country hitchhiking trips and rainbow festivals. Because my dad was often dealing drugs, strangers came and went, and we were introduced to smoking pot at 7, 8 and 9 years old.
I struggled with my fathers erratic parenting; his new age lifestyle, unconventional diets and repeated absences. Continuously sending us away to relatives fueled a profound sense of distrust that permeated my life, and I was often separated from my siblings and left in the home of my sexually abusive uncle.
At 13, faced with homelessness and survival on the violent streets of Denver, I chose independence over a family life steeped in trauma. Alone, I had to learn to navigate the complexities of sexual abuse, crime, and teenage motherhood, while I searched for a place to belong. With only five years of education between elementary and middle school, I faced extraordinary odds.
Throughout my journey I describe the visceral sense of a spiritual presence that showed up in startling, profound, life-changing ways throughout my life when I was at my lowest, eventually guiding me off the streets.
At 19, this difficult path ultimately led me to a transformative spiritual experience with my father in a Native sweat lodge, which changed the course of my life. My memoir reveals my resilience to survive, while struggling to reclaim my identity, confront chaos, and embody the enduring power of hope through forgiveness.
About Broken Family, Bill McKibben, best selling author of The End of Nature, writes, Broken Family is a truly American story--brutal and hard, but also full of that pick-yourself-up, brush-yourself-off spirit. You can feel the author's energy flooding through.
Not long after my transformative experience at age 19, I was guided to create an alternative, accredited high school. The school grew into a global organization that empowers youth in 70 countries to take positive action against climate and environmental degradation. Through this work I cultivated relationships with over 100 esteemed people, with whom I share my quarterly newsletter. Among them are Mark Ruffalo, Suzy Cameron, Chris Meledandri, Dave Wirtschafter, Van Jones, Bill McKibben, Shailene Woodley, Bernie Sanders, Trevor Hall, Vandana Shiva, Satish Kumar and others.
It is my hope that these associates and friends will help share Broken Family with a broad audience. In addition, Penguin Random House urged me to seek agent representation as the next step in the publication process. They have expressed keen interest in our family narrative, after publishing two books written by my (then) teenaged son, Xiuhtezcatl Martinez.
Part I of my memoir Broken Family, comprises 387 pages and culminates in a transformative journey within a sweat lodge at the age of 19, which profoundly altered the trajectory of my life. I am currently crafting the sequel, tentatively titled Guardians Rising : A Family's Journey to Protect the Planet.
~Xiuhtezcatl Martinez
My mothers story is nothing short of a miraculous demonstration of humanity's ability to heal, and transcend trauma to be a vessel for unconditional love.
Equally exhilarating, heartbreaking and inspiring, this recounting of her journey sheds light on the turbulent adventures she endured to arrive at her life mission of helping build a better world for the youth and future generations.
As great art often does, the darkness confronted and healing undergone through the writing of a book so personal reminds me of how closely the internal mirrors the external; how the individual mirrors the collective.
After a lifetime of service to youth worldwide through her groundbreaking work as the founder of Earth Guardians, this book unveils a profound story of love, loss, broken families, and healing.
Despite growing up never knowing a home or a loving mother, she not only provided for her 6 children, but also for thousands of young people across the globe whose voices and communities were nourished by the vision that my mother has been a vessel for, for over 30 years.
Courageous, captivating and necessary, the ripples of this journey now told will undoubtedly affirm and uplift many as we all navigate through the obstacles of this complicated and messy world, in search of our light.
